[[I wonder how many people actually miss me on this blog..]]
[[2 months since I’ve been on here.. it’s nostalgic.]]
The pain was almost unbearable; an endless throbbing in my chest. It was the kind of pain that could cripple you, stop all your motor skills and leave you crying in a ball on the floor. But, all I could do was keep a smile on my face as I slowly took his hand and guided him from the kitchen into the nearly packed living room. I lead, taking a step forward and another back. And, even though I wasn’t hiding anything, it worried and saddened me to see his reaction to the uneven beat of my heart. It wasn’t even a beat anymore, it was left to something like a never ending murmur. But even hearing that, he cleared his own worry and got up on his toes to give me a kiss. Knowing him, it wasn’t a normal one. He let his blue breath roll into my lungs, their healing effect spreading throughout my chest cavity. The pain had been numbed, but the problem was no farther away. We both knew this day would come.
It was only mid-morning then, and we continued our day like we had any other. Slowly but surely we packed the houses contents in boxes, our faces held neither pain nor happiness. Although, it was still there, the pain still present. Not 5 months ago did we leave our baby girl in the hands of someone else, it was as hard to swallow then as it was now. I hated myself for it, but, she wouldn’t hurt as much now. Bro and Cal would take good care of her, help her grow up like a true striders should, with family and friends. Tavros and I talked about it for a long time, trying to figure out the what ifs. After we found out I wouldn’t be around for much longer, I spent every winking moment with my princess. After she was gone, neither of us set foot in her room, at least until now.
We finished with the rest of the house, and hand in hand we opened her door. The oranges and yellows were hard on the eyes, but we walked in and just looked around. Her bedding was still a mess from the last time she slept in it, and her toys sprawled across the floor. Tavros sunk to his knees, picking up on of her stuffed animals and hugging it to his heart. I swallowed shakily and took a box over to her closet. I spent the next twenty minutes carefully folding her clothes and placing them in the box. While I did so, my head wandered to a place where I wasn’t dying, where Tavros wasn’t doomed to die as well, a place where we could have our family without having to worry about such things. My best friend was gone, and other than him I had no one to say goodbye to.
We finished packing up her room, and I had grown tired. Tavros, seeing my heavy lidded eyes, took my hand and brought me to our room. We laid down together, my head burying deep into his neck. His scent had always intoxicated me, and it was fitting that this was the end. He knew it too, and I could feel his warm tears dripping onto the back of my neck. Normally, I would have been right up to wipe his tears and tell him everything was going to be okay. But, it wasn’t going to be this time.
Breathing was becoming an difficult now, and no later to I except it, his kiss of life once again.
The house was hers when she turned to an appropriate age, and everything in it is to stay in place until that time. Her clothing and toys would be sent to Bro’s home, and from then on there would be no more money flowing from our account for her. However, my brother had always been sneaky. In his will he left all his money to me when I turned 18, and it was a lot of money. So, when my will is read it will state that along with the house she would inherent my brothers money that I inherited myself. I’m not sure what Tavros had planned for his own will, but knowing him it was something special.
Our legs tangled together, we lie there. No sound, not even breath. To anyone looking at us, we would only appear to be asleep. Someone would find us, both suddenly absent from work, maybe even Bro would come out of curiosity when the cash stopped coming. Either way, we wouldn’t care. We were gone. Off into a place numb to pain and problems, a place where we could watch our little girl grow up into a smart young woman. We hope to meet her again, but not for a long while.
This was my first blog and I’m very grateful to have had it. I have met many wonderful people through it and I have had the time of my life building Dave’s character. But, it’s time for me to hang up the towel. Things are getting harder for me, between school and other accounts that have stronger inspiration, it’s just become impossible to get on here. I don’t want to let any of my followers down by not being around, so I’m just going to cut the line.
It has been almost a year since I started this blog, and shutting it down will be hard. I will be leaving it accessible, I will not be deleting it. I want my followers to be able to go through it and read past roleplays I’ve done that they enjoyed; I might even finish some If requested. I will come onto the blog once every couple weeks for questions and such (Not that I got much to begin with) however there will be no more roleplaying. The group I started with was very much a thrill, but then one bad turn hit another and everything crumbled. It happens, and we all just have to move on. I understand that, and I’m okay with it.
I will in fact still be roleplaying Dave, however it will be privatly or in streams and such. His pester is the same as the my URL, and everyone is welcome to come talk to me or him. It’s completely welcome. I will not be giving out my skype unless directly asked just for personal reasons. I have issues with not knowing who I’m talking to at least a little bit.
But, yeah. This is it. I’m actually crying while writing this because I have had a lot of fun. To every single one of my followers, I love you, and thank you for putting up with me. I hope you liked my writing, I’m sorry if it wasn’t very appealing.
Dave will miss everyone too, but hopefully not for long right? I most likely won’t return to this blog, but like I said before, I am grateful for having it and being apart of this community. I have other accounts, one of which is on hiatus because I was trying to figure out what to do with this one. Hah, I mean I’ve done almost everything. And I know a few writers out there are sitting there thinking there is so much more to be done, and you’re probably right. However, ever tried writing something you don’t have the heart to write? Like doing school or paper work. It just becomes tedious.
I will miss all of you like I have for these past couple months, I though I would be able to save him with the whole memory loss thing, but it just didn’t work. I’m not sure AT’s plans are for her blog, she did make it just for me so our characters could fall in love. I love her for that, and it was an honer roleplaying wither her.
As for my ex partner, VA, it was fun while it lasted. And I want to thank her for bringing me into this world. I’ve truely had a blast.
To all of you out there reading this, I wish you happy times and happy writing. Hugs and kisses to all, you are all in my heart. Thank you for staying with me this long.
I love you, every last one of you.
You’ll see I’m better, happier, stronger, faster when you by my side
anything you make me
cook to your hearts content
i love you
Oh my god shut up stop apologizing
-you actually laugh a bit, too relieved that he at least remembers you and Dawn. You pull him down for another kiss before nudging your foreheads together-
Say it….please I wanna hear it….
You hold him close, your eyes closed just listening to his breathing. Your chest still hurt but you blocked out the pain. It didn’t matter right now.
tavros nitram i love you with all my heart
You kiss him again, keeping it for a few moments. You were shaking a bit, god you were so happy. It felt like you had fallen in love over and over and over again. All with the same nervous guy in your arms.
im never going to leave you again
-When you hear him speak you nearly faint. You kiss him back, putting all of your feelings into it. All your love, relief, pain and worry in it. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you hugged him close to you. Face buried in his chest, you soak his shirt.-
You remember you remember thank god I love you so much…
not everything .. but i remember you .. and dawn.. my baby
You hug him so tight, whispering apology after apology. You had never felt so much pain in your life. The idea that you made him so sick just worrying about you. You were such a horrible partner.
ill never leave you again
-you frown as he fights for breath. You slowly move closer as not to startle him too much and place your hand over his-
Please just trust me for a moment…
-you move forward and press your mouth to his, using your page of breath powers to make it easier for him to breathe.-
When he moves toward you, you’re a little hesitant. What was he doing.. then he got even closer. He kisses you, just like that. But, instead of a sane person, you couldn’t pull away from him. You couldn’t, you tried. Your body wouldn’t let you. In that moment a few stray memories made their way to the surface, the meeting, the engagement. When he finally pulled away, you could breathe again and your eyes were wide.
t-tavros.. nitram.. no..
You pulled him into your arms and kissed him once more, you remember, you remember him. The love of your life. You break it and hold him to your chest.
im so fucking sorry